It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Maddening crowds at the stores, annoying in-law visits, those cursed (yet well-intentioned) Salvation Army people outside the grocery stores with their bells… They all make you appreciate the true magic of Christmas – locking yourself in the basement with a gallon of egg-nog and drinking until you hallucinate the true reason for the season. THE BACON MESSIAH!
Our awesome friends over at What Do Bacon Do came up with this awesome ba-tivity scene to remind us that the holidays aren’t just about violent consumerism and increased rates of evergreen deforestation. It’s about BACON!
There’s also Santa, I suppose. Poor Santa. Year after year, house after house, Santa arduously stuffs your ill-gotten gains into some generic red and white sock-shaped travesty. His eyes blur and redden with boredom and resentment like a captive monkey forced to watch a VCR blink 12:00, 12:00, 12:00 for 400 years. Surprise Santa this year. Give him an opportunity to smile and laugh and say “This guy is awesome! I’m totally giving him extra presents this year. Elf #719! Toss me down that limited edition gold plated X-Box slash espresso maker! We’ve got a winner!” – Go get yourself a GIANT BACON STOCKING!
It’s already crispy! Just keep it warm by your fireplace and wait for it to magically swell with good things!