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So I’ve perused the existing posts and I didn’t see anything making reference to Bakon ™, the Bacon flavored vodka, produced right here in Overcastistan (Seattle), WA by Black Rock Spirits. Compared to BaconScotch, Bacon vodka is a product of the superior meat combined with an inferior (albeit slightly more utilitarian) alcohol, IMHO. Not that that disqualifies it from being good by default. Read on.

I was made aware of Bakon last summer while it was in market testing. One of my fellow derby-ites was in tight with the folks at Black Rock and had a beta bottle of the stuff. I went to an AM BBQ with promises of Bakon Bloody Marys. My anticipation rode higher than a 30 year old virgin with a comped room and a pocket full of roofies at a naive hot chicks convention.

My aforementioned anticipation got a vicious case of whiskey dick after the first sip. The presence of bacon in the vodka was faint, at best. It carried an unpleasant aftertaste as well. I was crushed. Coal at Christmas, I say!!! My girlfriend agreed that it was far below expectations. We gathered our crushed hopes and dreams and trudged off.

Months later, at another derby function, there was a full case of Bakon donated to the cause. Apparently we had not been alone in our feedback regarding the inadequacy of bacon in the previous iteration and the Black Rock folks had allegedly remedied the situation. With renewed vigor, we approached the bar, geared up for a second round of tasting.

The new batch (as it appears on shelves today) suckerpunched us with the flipside of disappointment. In our opinion, they had overcompensated and now the ratio was too high. Dare I say, too bacony (or should I say Bakony)? It was obnoxiously bacon flavored and not in a good way. We felt it was artificial tasting and overdone and still had the aftertaste issues. The “bartender” offered it up in a shot with bloody mary mix. I passed but Josie tried one, being a bigger bloody mary fan than I, and she said through her grimace that was simply not good at all.

To add insult to injury, the servers then began an aggressive campaign to get people to try shots of, get this, Bakon and chocolate milk. They attempted to paint the concept as if it was the greatest combination since strawberries and cream. More accurate would be to say it was like the combination of Michael Jackson and unsupervised children. I told the animated offerer that if I ever met the person who devised this ungodly concoction, I would complete their apparently failed initial lobotomy with whatever sharp or dull object was closest to my reach at the time. For whatever reason, this appeared to hurt their feelings but they moved on, incredulously, to the next would-be victim. I was later told, through a sea of cries of suffering and disdain of those who were actually trying the Bako-late shots, that it was supposedly one of Bakon’s creators whose cranial integrity I had inadvertently threatened earlier. I hold no regret.

Having said all this, I bear no grudge towards those who enjoy Bakon. My opinions are strictly my palette’s and my own (and my girlfriend’s and about 80 other people at the party…). It simply struck me as more fratty gimmick than solid product that I would actually consume and enjoy.