Archive for the ‘BACON MERCHANDISE’ Category
Another entry from the Food Truck Chronicles at The Vegetarian’s workplace. While I was waiting for my Bacon Maple Milkshake, reviewed earlier this week, I wandered over to the Skillet Street Food trailer. Skillet is a converted Airstream camper that serves up creative “American-inspired food prepared with classic technique and seasonal ingredients”. I’ve eaten there a number of times and it never fails to please. Anyhow, as well as being a purveyor of roadside delicacies, they sell a couple of food products like Pumpkin Sauce and their groundbreaking Bacon Jam.
“Well, we take a big bunch of really, really good bacon and render it down…add a bunch of spices, onions, etc. and let it simmer for about 6 hours, give it a quick puree, blast chill it…take a left turn, and end up in pure bacon heaven.” It’s a fantastic product whose only downfall seems to be a relatively short shelf life. It probably won’t be lingering for long on your shelf, though. Think of it as a bacon relish. It’s available in Original or Fennel & Black Pepper versions and goes well on burgers, in breakfast burritos and anything that needs a bacon-y kick.
So those mad geniuses at Bacon Salt have done it again. They have come up with a fo’ realz bacon coffin that is on sale in their online store for the paltry sum of $2999.00.
“This genuine bacon casket is made of 18 Gauge Gasketed Steel with Premium Bacon Exterior/Interior, and includes a Memorial and Record Tube, Adjustable Bed and Mattress and Stationary and Swingbar handles. It also includes a bacon air freshener for when you get that buried-underground, not-so-fresh feeling.”
And you better believe that I’m serious as a bacon-induced heart attack when I tell you that had my tax return been big enough, I would have bought one and converted it into a couch for my man cave. I guess it’ll have to wait for now.
Just Google “Bacon coffin” for links to detailed articles from many credible news sources.
So if you’re anything like me, you see the holidays as not only an excuse to wear ties and vests that would be viewed as fashion travesties any other time of year, but to re-establish your certification as a functioning alcoholic. The holidays present us with many opportunities for not just social drinking but social drinking of whimsical holiday cocktails that, much like singing Santa ties and white socks, celebrate a finite calendar period of acceptance.
“What the hell is he rambling about?” you’re probably thinking. “He must be drunk right now!”. Well there’s a point here, I promise you. Sure, candy canes are the quintessential Christmas tree decoration alongside those shiny balls that shatter if you so much as look at them funny, but did you know that they’re edible? No, seriously. Even better, you can use them in cocktails like…
The Merry Irishman
2 parts Tullamore Dew (or other full-bodied Irish whiskey)
1 part Kahlua
1/2 part peppermint schnapps
(Bacon) candy cane for garnish
Combined and served in a rocks glass over ice.
Ok, the original recipe calls for a ho-hum standard candy cane but that doesn’t play into my preceding ramblings very well. Whether you choose to try them in a drink, eat them on their own or just hand them on the tree, you can find bacon candy canes at Archie McPhee and Co. They taste like bacon (allegedly) and come 6 to a box for under $5.
As mentioned previously, I recently tied the knot with The Vegetarian. As many of you know, the pre-wedding period involves showers, where the couples receive gifty things. Well, my now mother-in-law, well knowing of my shadowy superhero-esque alter ego of BetterThanAndrew, vigilante baconologist, was appalled that I didn’t have a bacon press. Being the upstanding enabler that she is, she rectified the situation by begifting me an Old Mountain cast iron press.
It’s quite the beefy (err, porky) unit. I’m not sure where it tips the scales but it strikes me as being around the 4-5 lb mark. Then again, I’m a terrible estimator so I could be way off. (Edit: confirmed at around 4 lbs) It’s hefty, though. It measures in at about 7.5″ in diameter and centers nicely in the flat portion of a 10″ skillet. It’s got enough surface area to cover 4 good slices vertically. It was pre-seasoned, which was convenient. No fussing with baking it in the oven for a couple hours before I could use it to smash some swine.
Construction is solid, IMHO. I don’t have other presses to compare it to but my meter is that I’m pretty sure that if I was attacked by a secret agent assassin in my kitchen I could use it to deflect his gunfire and then smash his face in, Jason Bourne style, with no consequential damage to the press. The handle is attached by two beveled flat head phillips screws, flush with the pressing surface so there’s no concerns with scratching your cookware, and secured topside with a washer and nut. A crush nut or split-washer would instill more confidence but I’m not terribly concerned about the nuts coming loose, even after assassin attack. If they did it’d be a quick fix with a screwdriver and a wrench (or pliars, or what have you, if you’re not someone with a Bob Villa-endorsed workbench). The handle is a nice chromed steel with a coiled grip. I’ve never had issues with it heating up during use and it has excellent knuckle clearance from the press surface. Some of the “competing” units I’ve since seen online have a stubby wooden knob or similar grip that’s looks like a quick ticket to blisterville if you’re not careful. The only downside I’ve found is that the heads of the screws can get grease packed up in them during the cooking process. All that really means is an extra couple seconds during the cleaning process, though. It’s of very small concern in the grand scheme of things.
It does what it was designed to do very well. It prevents curling, speeds up cooking time and evenness, and reduces spatter, even better than my old pan screens did. Clean up is a breeze. Hot water and a bit of Dawn and she’s all ready for another round with that smiling pig looking up at you as if to say “Anything I can do to help, sir!” It’s the quintessential bacon preparation tool, besides tongs, and I’m ashamed it’s taken me this long to own one. Bacon tested, BetterThanAndrew approved!
This bad boy is available from a number of online retailers for under $20.00. Do your bacon proud!
So The Vegetarian and I recently tied the proverbial knot. One of my groomsmen gave us an XboX 360 as a wedding gift, informing me “Now that you’re all ‘grown up’, you need a grown up gaming system” (We have a Wii). After hooking it up and getting it online, I searched around for some downloadable games, since we owned none yet for the console. I hit up XboX Live’s featured titles page and I was presented with “The Baconing”. I of course accepted this as a sign and proceeded to check it out.
Apparently it’s the third in a series of action RPG spoof games. Deathspank, our hero, is bored because, by virtue of his immeasurable badassery, he has vanquished all evil contenders from his kingdom. He decides to put on all 6 of the Thongs of Virtue (spoils of war from the last game) and accidentally summons the Anti-Spank, his supernatural archnemesis. From that point on, you have to complete a series of quests in order to gain access to “Bacon Fire” which, is the only thing capable of burning the Thongs of Virtue, allowing you to defeat the Anti-Spank.
Make no mistake that this game doesn’t represent a renaissance of gaming by any means. The graphics are layered 2D, the engine is mediocre and there’s a lot of recycling of cut scenes. On the plus sides, it’s ridiculous and cheeky with lots of wacky costumes and hilarious dialogue. While the pro gaming reviews on it were not so kind, the user reviews were 4 stars on average. If you’re looking for some bacon themed time to kill and have a funny bone and or a PS3, XboX 360 or a PC, you should check it out.